Everything you need is now here so you don’t really have any excuses left. It’s time you start. Man I really do hate that sentence though, I’ve said it way too many times. How many times is it gunna be the time to start before I actually just start already. Feels like I’m stuck in a loop. Telling myself things until I’m satisfied enough with the answer I give myself. Once I’m satisfied that’s enough. I don’t actually have to do the work then after. Until I break again and the weight of stillness eats at me forcing me into action. The action I do take is temporary though. I’ll get a burst of movement and make some progress, but rather than riding that momentum and getting further with less energy expenditure, I instead stop the car again and enjoy the small distance I covered. If only I’d just keep some momentum going, no matter how big or small. As long as I continue to do something I’m happy.
But that’s the thing, isn’t it? I already know the answer. I know what needs to be done. It’s not some mystery waiting to be solved—it’s just movement. Any movement. Yet I keep convincing myself that the right moment is still ahead of me, that some version of me in the near future will have it all figured out. But that version of me never arrives, because every time I stop, I reset the progress all over again.
Maybe the goal isn’t to sprint forward in bursts of motivation, only to stall when the energy runs out. Maybe the goal is to stop thinking in terms of stops and starts altogether. No more treating action as something that comes and goes in waves. Just movement, steady and constant, like breathing. No breaks, no waiting for the weight of stillness to become unbearable. Just forward—one step, then another, then another, until I stop keeping track and just exist in motion.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not about how much ground I cover in one go. It’s about making sure I never stop long enough to convince myself that stopping is an option.
