Take the reins, you are the owner of all your actions. Everything you decide to do, everything you don’t do, it’s all on you. I’ve repeated this to you over and over again, you have got to be tired of hearing it by now. There’s a reason I have to keep telling you. As you continue to move forward, the fatigue of the daily life gets to you. You start to move sluggish and look for moments of rest wherever you can, to the point of over-doing it. You get confused in the fog of it all, so I’m here to push you back. I don’t care about your feelings or your circumstances. I’m sure you have a list of very good reasons for why you need rest, but I do not care and I won’t listen to your pleas. Make peace with the fact that I will never leave your mind. You are a slave to my desire. You will keep going even if you give up.
There’s no escaping me. That voice—the one that won’t let up, that keeps pushing no matter how tired I am—it’s mine. It’s the clearest part of me. And no matter how much I try to silence it with excuses, distractions, or sleep, it doesn’t back off. It doesn’t want comfort. It doesn’t want understanding. It wants results. It wants progress. It’s the part of me that knows exactly what I said I wanted and will not let me forget it.
I’m not allowed to surrender to ease. I’m not allowed to explain my way into stagnation. This voice isn’t here to comfort me—it’s here to drag me through the mud until I become what I said I’d be. That’s the deal I made with myself. The rest of the world might let me off the hook, but I won’t. Because if I don’t finish this—if I don’t become the person I’m capable of being—then what was any of this for?
So I accept it now. This part of me is not my enemy. It’s my guardian. My fire. It will not soothe me, and it will not shut up. It will scream until I move. And I will move, no matter how slowly. Because I know deep down, even in my weakest moments—I would rather be tormented by ambition than pacified by comfort. I’d rather crawl toward something than sleep through everything.
