This is a thought I had before entering the gym to train for the day. It is a practice I do each day before I train to be able to look back and see how my mentality morphs and changes through the monotony of never ending training…
“My nature does not let me sit and rest. My devious thoughts wonder to a place of self destruction in an attempt to shatter my own world. The shadow within believes that through destruction creation is born. It believes that the only way to get through to me is by self destructing. What a shame, to have let myself get to a place like this. I don’t want to operate like this, but the only way out is through. Going past what I say I want to do into the realm of what I have to do. Until I reach a point of need, an obsession to continue to do. That’s where I want to be.”
Every day, as I stand on the threshold of the gym, I confront not just the physical challenge ahead, but also an infinite inner landscape. “My nature does not let me sit and rest,” I tell myself. It’s a recognition of a restless spirit within that seeks to propel me forward, yet paradoxically, it also nudges me toward the edge of self-destruction. My thoughts, unchecked, can wander into dark corners where they conjure scenarios of downfall and ruin.
This internal shadow harbors a belief that creation springs from destruction. It whispers seductively that to truly reach a new beginning, one must first endure an ending. “The shadow within believes that through destruction creation is born.” This idea, while poetic, carries with it a dangerous allure. It suggests that the only path to transformation and growth is through self-imposed devastation—a notion that tempts with its intensity but threatens stability and peace.
What a shame it is, I reflect, to have reached a point where such thoughts gain traction. “What a shame, to have let myself get to a place like this.” It’s a moment of self-awareness, tinged with regret. I recognize that operating on the brink of self-destruction is unsustainable. Yet, paradoxically, this recognition also marks the starting point of true change.
The realization that “the only way out is through” is both daunting and liberating. It means I must engage fully with my deepest fears and push beyond the limits set by my own narratives. This journey is not just about moving past what I want to do, but venturing into the realm of necessity—what I have to do to achieve transformation.
“Going past what I say I want to do into the realm of what I have to do.” This is where true discipline begins. It’s a call to move beyond mere desire into a state of need, an obsession to continue, to persist. It’s here, in this relentless pursuit, that I seek to find my true potential.
“Until I reach a point of need, an obsession to continue to do. That’s where I want to be.” The destination is not a physical place, but a state of being marked by an unwavering drive to overcome, to change, and to win. Each day’s training becomes not just a routine, but a radical act of self-affirmation and rebellion against the internal forces that try and retain my being within the confines of a loop.
In this daily ritual, I forge my character in the crucible of physical exertion and psychological struggle. I reshape my thoughts with each rep, each set, each drop of sweat. It is here, in the monotonous grind of never-ending training, that I see the contours of my mentality morph and redefine themselves. It’s a continual rebirth, a relentless quest not just for physical strength, but for mental resilience and a deeper understanding of who I am—and who I am becoming.
