What do you do when you find out that the thing you’ve been chasing is already here. I keep thinking that if I make it here i’ll be happy or if I accomplish this i’ll be happy, but what happens when I make it there. Maybe I’m happy for a bit but then what, it’s a race that never ends. What I seek is momentary satisfaction off of a substantial amount of time suffered. Seems like a pretty shit deal to me.
I’m starting to become exhausted with the idea that I have to fight myself every day in order to maintain some sort of control over my life. I feel like I have to kill any thoughts of pain and struggle in order to make it in this world. Maybe it’s just me but I feel as if there might be a better way. The more I think about it the more it seems that I’m going nowhere. With this style I’m going in with the intention to fight forever, but why would I want to do that. Why do I have to justify my existence with a pursuit of something so trivial as complete control. I mean the whole mantra is to let go of control yet I spend my days fighting to keep a sense of control. There’s no wonder I live in constant turmoil, it’s a failed plan from the start.
So then what am I supposed to do? Do I just give up on breaking my limits, do I stop chasing my dreams? No, no that wouldn’t help because then I would basically be a dead man walking. Complete emotional disconnect to the point where I feel robotic, I don’t think that’s living either. I don’t think you should give up on your goals, and should continue to aspire to break ur limits and go beyond what you thought was possible. Through that, all I ask is that you remove your judgement of yourself when you get those negative emotions or your body wants to stop. It is normal to have those feelings, those signals are sent to your brain in order to effectively map your way through the world. That is why every day, when you work out pushing your limits over and over, you begin to see things that aren’t there. You get moments that go beyond the pain signals and the quit signals, and you enter this state of limbo. Sometimes I find myself in those states when I’m holding a position, when I get it right it feels like I can stay there forever.
It is precisely that feeling that shows me all I need to know about myself to not judge myself anymore. We are always in that state it is just that we get distracted by outside events and what not. The truth is that there is no yesterday, there is no tomorrow, there is only now. We are eternally here, in the now. It is must easier to forgive what you have done in the past when you are present. It doesn’t matter, it just doesn’t matter. You are not your feelings, no you cannot just say i’ll do it tomorrow because there is no tomorrow. Live now.
