Something is in your way and I think you know it. You’re over doing it again. Well, go for it. Go all the way and see it out. See where it takes you. It’s all a game anyway, we can only learn. If you’re going to be doing it anyway, you might as well expedite to the end and see where it would take you. That way you can get passed it faster. You already know the answer so it isn’t like going through with it will make any significant change to your final decision. I just want you to see it out because I want you to have that experience. Bad or not I want you to have it. Or else you’ll just find your way back here. You’ll never fully see it. Get it out of your way and be done with it. You waste too much time on it.
Some lessons refuse to be learned from the outside. You can circle around them endlessly—analyzing, predicting, avoiding—but they won’t dissolve until you live them. That’s the weight I feel now. The pull to just go all the way in. Not because I think it will change anything, but because the not-doing keeps me tethered. There’s a knot in the cord, and the only way to untangle it is to walk through the tightness and come out the other side.
I already know how it ends. That’s the strange part. But knowing is not the same as understanding. There’s a flavor to experience that thought alone can’t taste. And if I’m going to be caught in the loop anyway, I might as well fast-forward and break it with movement, not with hesitation. Maybe I’m overdoing it—but maybe that’s exactly what I need right now. Not restraint. Not perfection. Just closure.
So I’ll see it out. I’ll let it run its course, not for the outcome, but for the liberation that comes when the thread finally runs dry. I’ve wasted enough time avoiding what I already knew. Now I want to know it with my whole being. No more shadowboxing with potential. I’ll face the thing itself. Then it won’t be in my way anymore. Not because I dodged it, but because I walked right through it.
