Feel like I’m repeating days, the thought of it is turning my head around and around. I hate the thought of a loop. I hate thinking that my life is going in circles. Want to move forward. I think I’m doing so and then I find myself on a day like today, repeating a day I’ve already lived. It’s frustrating to think about. So I guess I just won’t think about it. I don’t need to know exactly how I’ll get there, I just need to keep in my mind that I will get there no matter what. So long as I maintain that level of belief, everything will play out the way it’s supposed to. I can let go of my need to control every aspect of the journey. Let it go to some higher power. Above me. Out of my hands. Freeing me to partake only in what I have to do. Not where I have to go. I’ll get there, somehow someway things will play out in a way I haven’t yet imagined. I want to arrive there with my mind already ahead of me. Waiting for me to tell me, “I told you so”.
It’s exhausting, trying to force clarity when none is coming. I’ve spent so much time gripping the wheel, convinced I need to navigate every twist and turn myself. But what if I loosened my grip? What if I let the road take me where it will? Maybe it’s not my job to dictate the path—maybe my only responsibility is to keep walking it. Step after step, effort after effort, trusting that I am being pulled forward, even when my surroundings look the same.
Repetition isn’t always stagnation. Some lessons take longer to sink in. Some progress happens beneath the surface, in ways I can’t perceive until much later. What if these days I feel I’m repeating are actually refining me? What if they are sharpening my instincts, my endurance, my patience? The more I resist the process, the more painful it feels. Maybe the key isn’t to fight it but to lean into it. To accept the days as they come, do what I can within them, and trust that something bigger than me is working behind the scenes.
Because I know one thing for sure—I won’t be here forever. One day, I’ll cross a threshold I didn’t even realize was ahead of me. The road will shift, the scenery will change, and I’ll see how every step, every repeated day, was necessary to bring me there. And when that moment comes, when everything finally clicks, I’ll hear that quiet, knowing voice in my head whisper, I told you so.
