What is the point of “trying” if you’re not actually going to try. Trying means you might get hurt by unreached expectations, and that is ok. What you are doing now is the same thing you would do when you were young. You project off into a future so far ahead. The picture it paints in turn becomes a reality to you. Leading you to give up pursuits as quickly as you take them on.
You are not that kid anymore, stop treating yourself as if you were a child. You shield yourself from the horrors of the world, all the while the real horrors are in the world within your minds eye. All things that in actuality, are not happening, yet you treat them as if they were.
I am getting real tired of you and your fear of the real world. This is it, this is the way things are. Look at them and accept it. No need to walk around protecting yourself from what’s out there. How are you ever meant to bring anything back from it if you never go out and seek it.
I don’t know what to do with you anymore. You seem to always be in your own world. No matter how fascinating the world you have around you is becoming. You repeatedly lie to yourself with these false realities that you appoint more credit to the the real realities. I don’t think I can save you. I think you just have to accept the way you are.
Meaning that I have to accept the way you are, as being the way I am…
No matter how much I believe I am separate from you, I am just as much you as you are me. I am not above you, yet I look down on you from this metaphorical throne I sat myself on in my minds eye. Meaning that by doing so I am in turn damaging myself, looking down on myself. Killing my confidence and damaging the relationship with myself.
Is it worth trying to feel better than who I am, if it means that I will never be able to love myself in the end. What a joke, a cruel twisted joke.
All this time here I was thinking that you were the one that needed me in order to not derail and lose it all. I thought that I was the voice of reason. That just is not the case though.
I am no lesser or greater than you.
I am just you.
This is how we think, this is who we are. How we feel, how we operate. How we get what we want.
So now what? I accept this and then where do I go from there. Do I just live now?
Do I stop the process of sitting myself down and telling myself whether or not I did a good or bad job.
Is it better to just decide and act?
Taking whatever life hands me and not adding the added judgement and reasoning behind it, just accepting it as a happening.
If I do end up getting crushed by the weight of unmet expectations than so be it, it should have no weight on me. I will inevitably feel however I am going to feel when the time comes. So for now just take what is and act how you want.
This is our life.
We decide who we want to be.
What we want to do.
Leave thoughts of contemplation behind, they are only useful as speed bumps. Where you’re going, you have no need to slow down for a bump. You need speed.
