You have to want to do it. Or else it’s going to feel like a loop. It’s going to feel never ending. You’ll feel as though you can’t catch your breath. Always tired. Always being pulled. It’s no way of life, it’s just enough to get by. If you can manage to change your perception of what is, then you can make any normal day that much more interesting. So what if you have to do the same things over again today. Do them because you want to do them. Even if you have to lie to yourself, lie as you’re doing them. Soon enough you’ll start to believe yourself, because you’ll actively be doing it. I need you to come back to yourself now, don’t let the game beat you. It got more difficult, and doesn’t seem to be showing signs of letting up on you. Just trust it. Trust that if you can keep going, because you want to keep going, you’ll find the way out.
It only feels unbearable when I forget why I’m doing it. When I slip into autopilot, every task feels like a burden. The repetition, the fatigue, the pressure—it all starts closing in. But I’ve learned something in the middle of all this repetition: if I choose to want it, even just a little, the weight shifts. It doesn’t vanish, but it becomes something I can carry. Wanting is the difference between dragging myself and walking on my own terms.
Some days, the want isn’t there naturally. That’s fine. I’ve lied to myself before for worse reasons. So I lie again—but this time with intention. I tell myself I enjoy it. I tell myself I’m built for this. That this repetition is sharpening me, not draining me. And eventually, I start to believe it. Because belief isn’t born from words—it’s born from action. And the more I move, the more I remember who I really am underneath the weight.
The game isn’t supposed to be easy. It’s not supposed to hand me clarity or motivation. It’s supposed to test how long I can hold onto my reason, even when everything around me makes me question it. So I hold. I tighten my grip. I adjust my lens and move with purpose—even if it’s only pretend at first. Because if I keep going like I want to, the exit will come. It always does.
