I can’t say I’m feeling any different today. Another day passes by and I’m just holding on. Holding on to a belief that things will get better. That I won’t be forced to work to live in the future. If this is all life was meant to be I’d have ended it already. I chose to stay because I chose to believe that there’s something more waiting for me. If I can just keep holding on something will come. Now I don’t think that same belief is working anymore. I can’t wait around hoping something will come that’ll change everything around for me. Tired of waiting around, but what am I doing differently that would insinuate that I’m no longer waiting? What do I have to do to take action? Questions that linger in my head, still don’t have the answer to them but there are things I can do now that will clear up the question little by little. Might not give me the answer right away but it will give me a little more light to see. That’s enough for now.
I hear the questions echoing in my mind, looping over and over. What now? What’s next? I know waiting isn’t the answer, but I haven’t yet figured out what the right answer is. That’s what makes it all so frustrating. It’s not just the uncertainty—it’s the feeling that time is slipping through my fingers, and I’m still standing in the same place.
But maybe that’s not entirely true. Maybe it’s not about big, dramatic changes. Maybe it’s about the little things—the small steps forward that don’t seem like much in the moment but add up over time. If I can focus on that, if I can keep putting one foot in front of the other, then at least I’m moving. Even if I don’t know exactly where I’m going yet, I won’t be stuck.
So today, I’ll take action, even if it’s small. Even if it’s just writing these words, even if it’s just pushing myself a little harder than I did yesterday. Maybe the answers won’t come all at once, but if I keep walking, eventually, I’ll find them. And if not—then at least I’ll know I didn’t just stand still and wait.
