“This much self-talk can’t be normal can it?
I genuinely have managed to split myself in half.
All so that I can cure an incurable loneliness.
I think having learned to understand it changed me,
“it” being the unexplainable.
Now my madness is the only thing I let myself embrace.
This must be my price to pay.
My debts must be insurmountable.
My sanity flees,
traded away for the truth.
I casted myself out to fend for myself.
Removed attachment and connection.
Removed the sense of a “self”.
After learned all, I know see I know nothing at all.”
In the echoes of endless self-dialogue, where thoughts collide and divide, the sense of solitude deepens rather than dissipates. “This much self-talk can’t be normal, can it?” One might wonder as they navigate the labyrinthine corridors of their mind, seeking answers to questions they hardly dare to voice. The journey into self-awareness is not merely an act of introspection; it is a splitting of the self, a division that serves both as a cure for loneliness and its cause.
“I genuinely have managed to split myself in half. All so that I can cure an incurable loneliness.” This splitting is not a symptom of a fractured mind, but rather a method to manage the profound solitude that comes with deep introspection. By conversing with oneself, by becoming both the speaker and the listener, one creates company in the cavernous spaces of the mind. Yet, this company is unlike any other, it does not distract from loneliness; it confronts it, engages it, attempts to understand its contours and origins.
“Having learned to understand it changed me, ‘it’ being the unexplainable.” The journey through the self is a journey through the mists of the unexplainable, through the very essence of being that defies easy categorization or understanding. As one delves deeper into this exploration, they encounter layers of their psyche that are bewildering and profound, pushing the boundaries of what they thought they knew about themselves. This exploration, while enriching, is also disorienting, leaving one feeling detached from the normalcy of simpler times.
“Now my madness is the only thing I let myself embrace.” There is a peculiar comfort in embracing the madness of this deep dive into the self. It becomes a badge of honor, a testament to the courage it takes to explore where others may not dare. Yet, this embrace is costly. “This must be my price to pay.” The cost is a distancing from what society considers sane, a trading of peace for profound truths, a sense of self for a deeper understanding that what we know is just a sliver of what is.
“My sanity flees, traded away for the truth.” As one casts off the conventional moorings of sanity, they drift into territories rich with revelations that come at the expense of comfort and connection. “Removed attachment and connection. Removed the sense of a ‘self’.” In stripping away these layers, what remains is a core, unencumbered by the illusions of identity and attachment, yet also starkly alone.
“After learning all, I now see I know nothing at all.” This paradox is the ultimate conclusion of the journey into self. The more one learns, the more one realizes the vastness of the unknown. It’s a humbling, albeit unsettling, realization that the journey of self-discovery, though endlessly enlightening, leads not to final answers but to better questions.
