Life was strange to me
It always was so strange.
The why am I alive stung me early on
The who am I followed shortly after.
Then I thought I figured it out
I believe that I knew who I was.
Now I once again am lost in the game.
Lost in the experience itself
I am trying to return to the mystery now.
Though I don’t have the additional of substances to aid me there.
I have to find it for myself somehow.
Is it in how I live my life?
Do I have to think a certain way?
I don’t know anymore.
I forgot how to get there and I don’t have the directions.
Doing it sober is like trying to do it without a map, just reading signs and hoping you’re going the right way.
Early on, the questions of existence and identity haunted me, driving me to seek answers. There were times when I felt certain I had found them, but life has a way of challenging our assumptions and leading us back into uncertainty. This cycle of finding and losing oneself is an inherent part of the human experience.
The realization that I am once again lost in the game of life brings a mix of frustration and intrigue. It is a reminder that the journey is never truly complete. Each phase of life brings new challenges and questions, forcing me to reevaluate my beliefs and understanding. This constant state of flux keeps me engaged and pushes me to continue exploring the depths of my existence.
The absence of substances as a means of reaching deeper understanding adds a layer of difficulty to this journey. While they once provided a shortcut to profound realizations, I now must rely on my own faculties to navigate this path. This sobriety is both a challenge and an opportunity. It forces me to develop new strategies and strengths, to find clarity through my own efforts and experiences.
Living life with the intent of rediscovering the mystery requires a conscious effort to remain open and curious. It is about finding meaning in everyday actions and thoughts, seeking connections and insights in the mundane. This approach transforms daily life into a series of opportunities for growth and understanding. It shifts the focus from external aids to internal exploration, fostering a deeper sense of self-reliance and resilience.
The feeling of being directionless is a common part of this journey. Without a clear map, I must rely on intuition and observation, interpreting the signs that life presents. This uncertainty can be daunting, but it also teaches adaptability and patience. Each step forward, guided by hope and instinct, brings me closer to understanding myself and my place in the world.
In this reflective space, I find solace in the idea that the journey itself is valuable, regardless of the destination. The process of seeking answers, even when they are elusive, is a testament to the human spirit’s drive for growth and meaning. This ongoing quest shapes my character and perspective, enriching my life with depth and purpose.
The questions of how to live and think remain open-ended, inviting continuous exploration and experimentation. There is no single correct path, but rather a multitude of ways to approach the mystery of existence. This flexibility allows me to adapt to changing circumstances and insights, maintaining a dynamic and evolving understanding of myself.
As I prepare to face each new day, these reflections ground me. They remind me that the search for meaning is an integral part of the human experience. By embracing the uncertainty and continuing to seek, I honor the journey of self-discovery. The path may be unclear, and the signs ambiguous, but each step taken with intention and curiosity brings me closer to the mystery I seek.
