The truth sometimes feels blatantly harsh to me. Knowing that we have always been here, that this is just a temporary experience. That one day I will die here and wake up and think, “silly me, what was I so worried about.” Even knowing that, what am I supposed to do about all these feelings that I have here.
It makes me wonder if there even is a separation of you and an other. Am I just them but experiencing it from a different perspective. We think time is this never ending force that waits for no one. I think it’s just a way for us to measure how far we are in a recollection. I think that these emotions that are brought by the ego are tools to navigate in this world. The problem is that this world has changed quite a bit since then and those very tools are being used against us. Us as in the collective experience.
This is where my problem comes. I struggle with both caring and not caring about what ends up happening. Part of me wants to wake more people up to see the way I wish I could see all the time. In my mind the reason I can’t do that yet is because the world is in the way. That the game has gone too far and I don’t feel like playing it anymore. So it’s like I’m waiting to wander off alone to be able to say “ahh yes, now I can truly be free.” That also brings up emotions of resentment to those who are aiding the demise of the world we know. At the same time I’m thinking of this, I’m also thinking that it doesn’t matter because it just is the way it is.
Maybe that is my problem now, I’m at the cliffs edge and I have to throw out my attachments. There is nothing I can do about things outside of my control. The only thing I can control is the direction I walk and the mind that takes me there. If I just do what is needed of me in order to be better and make sense of it all, then maybe that’s enough. I don’t think it matters though. Whether I decide to do nothing or do something, at the end of it all it won’t matter.
I’m here, I know I am also there and everywhere else but right now I am here writing this from this body and this mind. This is real right here right now. The people I love are real, my love for them is real because we are existing as congruent eternal beings in temporary experiences.
I guess my anger or dissatisfaction is with the idea that nothing truly matters here when I return back to where it started. It doesn’t change the fact that I’m here, if I’m here it is because the creation of this was my idea. It was my thought that made this and created this scenario where one of my creations has regained consciousness of truth, aligning him with the eternal knowledge of the present. To waste this life would be a direct insult to my own creation, to not enjoy it would be cruel. Not enjoying this life is the result of neglecting your own feelings and emotions, just as you neglect the feelings that brought up the thought of this creation in the first place. That’s why the world is in the state it’s in currently. We live in a world that tells you to hide your true self and not question anything. We are collectively numbing ourselves from allowing ourselves to be healed. We are too afraid to simply admit that we are hurting, we are too stubborn to take the responsibility.
